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Star Wars: The Last Jedi – the Complete Review!

December 14, 2017

14 December 2017

Welcome to the complete review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Why review a movie after one view when you review a movie after each view? That is the purpose here – to provide the most complete review possible. The first two reviews are standard reviews, the first without spoilers and the second one with spoilers and goes into far more detail. Subsequent reviews are generally specialised ones, that either might update or revise previous thoughts, detail the IMAX experience or, with The Last Jedi in particular, examine the key areas botched and how they should have been handled. At the end is the ranking of all current Star Wars movies.

Preliminary Review (No Spoilers)

Session: 00:01 14 Dec 2017 – 2D

(Scroll down for subsequent reviews)

Who is Rey? The question we all wanted to know was eventually even asked by Luke Skywalker. Then there were other questions. Who is the last Jedi? Who is Snoke? Why was Rey dumped on Jakku? If you were expecting those questions to be answered in The Last Jedi, then this is not the movie you are looking for. While some were technically answered, they weren’t really. Much like when Darth Vader revealed to Luke, “No, I am your father”, it was so incredulous that we had to wait for it to be confirmed in Return Of The Jedi. While these days our ignorance of the Force and the Star Wars universe can’t be preyed upon like it was nearly 40 years ago, there’s still uncertainty about the answers provided in The Last Jedi, especially when those answers were not the juicy “OMG” moments we expected them to be. Even when handling the real life death of Carrie Fisher onto her character, Princess Leia, expectations and outcome fall well short. It’s a pattern that epitomises the movie as a whole.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - poster

Much like The Force Awakens echoed A New Hope, The Last Jedi is a retake on The Empire Strikes back. It’s a connecting movie, heavy in character development and designed to lay the foundations for the awe-inspiring finale that should be episode 9. Yes, the Resistance is fleeing from and battered by the tyrannical First Order, Rey begins to learn the ways of the Force, and when all seems lost for the galaxy, hope emerges at the end. Except, it didn’t do it anywhere near as well as The Empire Strikes Back.

The real problem is whereas The Empire Strikes Back was only developing Luke, The Last Jedi was developing Rey, Kylo Ren and Luke as well! Yes, the path that Luke takes will surprise you, and not in the way you expect after the emotional finale to The Force Awakens. After the stellar opening to The Last Jedi, it gets really bogged down in dialogue – and made worse because nothing is revealed. Meanwhile, the Resistance is on the run, and it proves no where as exciting or as suspenseful as Han and Leia trying to escape the Empire. In trying to spice up the action, the sub-plot to a casino world to find a master code-breaker was as clumsy as it was stupid. The last ditch hope to escape from the First Order would have been better served with another space battle. While gratuitous, it certainly would have been more exciting.

The Last Jedi leaves you with no feelings – and that’s despite major attempts to do otherwise. It’s mostly a series of events that don’t connect in any way to make a gripping individual story. In trying to lift it to the standard of The Empire Strikes Back, some of the ideas, particularly surrounding the use of the Force, seemed far too contrived, bordering on implausible, even for the Force. Even the substantial humour injected, while often funny, at times descended into the comical, which emphasises further an identity crisis with this movie. The Last Jedi never really takes off, provides few moments of any suspense or excitement, nor does it leave you with any emotional legacy. It’s almost a nothing movie. We saw nothing, we learnt nothing, we’re left with nothing. Yes, it was entertaining, and I remained keen for its duration. It’s just, for Star Wars, simply being entertained and remaining keen is not enough. On first impressions, The Last Jedi is one of the weakest Star Wars movies. Sadly, it should never have been this way.

-Return to this page as a I review The Last Jedi after each viewing and discuss key questions and moments!

Previews:

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – who is Rey?

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – who is the last Jedi?

17 December 2017

Main Review (includes Spoilers)

Session: 17:15 14 Dec 2017 – 2D

Nothing! That’s right, Star Wars: The Last Jedi is about nothing! After 2 and half hours (twice over now) of watching this most highly anticipated Star Wars movie, we saw nothing, we learnt nothing and we’re left with nothing. For a film that supposedly would answer so many questions from The Force Awakens, it answered nothing. Those that were answered were almost too ridiculous to be believed. Then there’s the plot. What plot? It was a series of events with no connection, with much of it being heavy sections of pointless dialogue. Most of the new ideas were too contrived or incongruous. The Force became ridiculously more powerful than you could possibly imagine (and I can imagine quite a bit!), unnecessarily comical humour was injected, and there was a sub-plot to a Casino world that, you guessed it, advanced nothing.

You sensed the farce had awakened the moment Luke tossed his light-sabre over his shoulder. How the seminal moment from The Force Awakens was treated with such disdain and frivolity shows the filmmakers simply had no idea how to treat the Star Wars franchise. It was a slap in the face to all fans and no wonder Mark Hamill himself, upon reading the script, said he “pretty much fundamentally disagreed with every choice” made for his character. Extend that to almost every fundamental decision made about every other character. Even Yoda went unscathed. Brought back not for enlightenment or mythical revelation; brought back for comic stupidity.

It seems the filmmakers didn’t want to be accused of being unoriginal and follow the path of The Force Awakens by mimicking almost directly part of the story from the original trilogy. This time The Empire Strikes Back would have been the inspiration, and why not? That’s the best of the series and had the right template. The result being they over-extended – tried to be too different – and the movie got stuck in an identify crisis. It’s Star Wars in terms of setting and characters. It’s not Star Wars in terms of advancing the saga and leaving a legacy. Let’s hope it’s all being saved for episode 9, otherwise there’ll be hell to pay.

THE KEY QUESTIONS NEVER ANSWERED

Who is Rey? Three times they teased us with the revelation, with Kylo Ren eventually providing the most detailed response that Rey’s parents were drunks who sold her for money and are now dead. Seriously? These are the roots of the key character of this trilogy? The other problem is that the film already exposed Kylo as a liar. So who really knows what to believe!

Why was Rey dumped on Jakku? It seems only for one of the best – and perfectly appropriate – jokes in the film. When Rey told Luke she was from nowhere, he said everyone’s from somewhere. She responded Jakku. He said yes, that’s nowhere. Seriously, there must have been a real and important reason Rey was dumped there.

Who is the last Jedi? Meant to be the seminal moment of the film, it was a fizzer. For the entire film the past was to be killed. Luke was adamant the Jedi were over. Yoda even appeared as a force ghost to harness lighting and burn down the Jedi tree. Even typing that sounds as stupid as it actually was! Then, at the end of the film, Luke Force-holograms himself across the galaxy to face Kylo in an anticipated duel, swerves and ducks Kylo’s clumsy slashes of the light-sabre, and just as Kylo realises Luke really isn’t there (just check Luke wasn’t leaving any footprints, you dill!), Luke announces he’s not the last Jedi. We then return to Luke’s remote island to see him sweating profusely in Force hologram mode, collapse from exhaustion, and then vapourise. Yes, writing that sounds as stupid as it actually was too.

Who is Snoke? We don’t know. Not that it matters. He’s one of those token villains like Darth Maul, Count Dooku and General Grievous added to cause a bit of mayhem, and then die. Killing him off was about the only correct key decision the film made, and it was a good one! Kylo Ren has higher ambitions than someone’s subordinate, or even leading the Sith.

OTHER PLOT FAILURES

The sub-plot of Finn and Rose to the Casino world of Canto Bight to find a master code-breaker was the most pointless sequence in Star Wars history. First, they were arrested and jailed before they could get to the master code breaker, and it just happened to be a dishevelled bum in the cell with them claimed he could break codes too. Yep, he’ll do! Second, ultimately it did the Resistance more harm than good, so another space battle would have done just as well. The sub-plot only served in a visual sense, and even then it was full of cliched themes and ridiculous political overtones. Surely Star Wars gambling is beyond the dice, card and roulette games seen on Earth, and save your swipes at ultra capitalism, animal exploitation and child labour for a lecture hall. All it did was unnecessarily prolong the film. Then when there was time for a great moment, with Finn about to sacrifice himself by flying into the big cannon, stupid Rose swoops in to knock him away and they both crash. Then somehow he manages to drag her all the way back to the base without being shot!

The Resistance could never catch a break! Tracked through light speed, lost their core leaders like Admiral Ackbar, failed with their escape plan to the salt planet of Crait, and failed to defend the outpost. It was defeat after defeat! If not for the crystal wolves and Rey’s rock-moving powers, the pitiful band of about 20 that remained would have been doomed. There should have been some small wins during the fleeing process, like Han and Leia managed in the corresponding sequence in The Empire Strikes Back.

As we know, Carrie Fisher died in real life after the filming of The Last Jedi, so how do they handle her death in the movie? They don’t. First they surprise us when she’s blown into space in the attack on her cruiser’s bridge (which is strangely lacking any sheilds!) that killed Admiral Ackbar. That’s lame. Surely she deserves better than that. So she twitches into life and glides back to the ship. OK, so now we await the real death. No, it never comes. Noting Fisher died after filming was complete, with CGI and other tricks, something could have been done. Of course, the gravest mistake is her death wasn’t in the script anyhow. As for Ackbar, how was the death of this notable character eulogized to viewers? A curt announcement among the bridge crew. Shame!

The finale. We’re to believe children are the future of the Resistance? Get real. The film was set up nicely with the small Resistance group all huddled on the Millennium Falcon – and that should have been it as the Falcon launched into hyper space. No, an extra scene on Canto Bight of a dopey kid looking at the dopey ring that Rose gave him. Luke should have been convinced to leave his island, physically fight Kylo, and probably die. This would allow Leia and the Resistance to escape, Leia to reveal to Rey the truth about her parents and origins, and then possibly Leia dies from the emotional trauma (as her mother did). It would have been poetic if both Luke and Leia died together.

Too much time spent on both Kylo and Rey wrestling with the dark and light sides of the force. It’s never convincing, nor is it plausible, that Rey would go dark. Nor will Kylo go light until he reaches his ambition of controlling the First Order. To compound the issue, instead of a fight between the two, there’s a Force Duel over Luke’s light-sabre and they tear it apart. The explosion knocks Kylo out and Rey escapes Snoke’s chambers. Snooze! Speaking of that room, it looked like a warehouse with a painted red wall.

Since when is fuel such a strict finite resource in the Star Wars universe? Accept the “lighter and faster” Resistance cruisers could keep out of range of the First Order if I must. Accept that lack of fuel was a valid element to add suspense to the movie I won’t. Am impending ambush might have been better, or even simply the time it took to reach Crait. The Resistance were down to only a few ships already, so no reason to begin popping them off as they ran out of fuel. In fact, the remaining few could have made one final attack to ensure other Resistance members reached the planet surface and could make the distress call. They lost all their main ships, all fighters and nearly all Resistance members anyway, so why not lose them in a blaze of glory. Better than running out of fuel and a dubious side mission to Canto Bight.

Too much talk for no consequence. Telling the Luke/Kylo break-up 3 times was ridiculous. All it showed was that both lied, and then maybe Luke lied again! The mirror section after Rey fell into that dark seaweed hole – another waste. In trying to see her parents she only saw herself. This abstract nonsense should never be in Star Wars. At least she got a sexy new hairstyle from her swim. The telepathic Force connections between Rey and Kylo were too farfetched, and the explanation by Snoke that he created them was later contradicted when Rey and Kylo were still it after Snoke’s death.

Then there’s the talk with contrary consequence. Luke witnesses Rey’s power with the Force and says he’s never been afraid, until now. The next day he’s training her in three simple lessons. Luke is also adamant the Jedi are over. So much so he refuses to go with Rey, loses to her in a brief fight and, with Yoda, confirms the Jedi are over and destroys the Jedi tree and with it the original Jedi texts. Little does he know Rey took the Jedi texts before this point. Then, in what should have been the hero moment of the movie, he pops up on Crait as a hologram and declares he’s not the last Jedi. What the hell changed between burning down the tree and the Force hologram? It further illustrates that this movie had no idea about its direction. It was experimenting way too much instead of sticking to established Star Wars lore. This hero moment should have had the actual hero there, not a hologram. Viewers needed an awe-inspiring moment, not another cheap giggle and absurd contrivance.

Other than Leia’s line to Poe “get your head out of your cockpit”, the use of women in all the main lead roles actually proved an exercise in disaster not female equality. Every single decision they made was wrong, and they left the fleet and the movement obliterated. Purple-hair woman (Vice Admiral Holdo) was the worst of the lot, with the insane decision to keep the escape strategy secret causing the restless Finn and frantic Poe to enact their own plans. That Leia eventually resumed command and could lay the smackdown on mutineer Poe was probably the justification for it. Of course, it wasn’t true equality because the First Order only had a smattering of women, blacks and Asians as subordinates, not any high up in the command chain, like a black Hux or a female Snoke, for example. The only female in a commanding position was Captain Phasma and, yes, you guessed it, she was useless. Maybe that was the whole point – showing women as useless, and so it’s really a male chauvinistic film! Also, rather than bring in an Asian girl (Rose) to swoon over Finn, make it an alien male of some species. Way too hetero-normative and human-normative for my liking!

BB-8 controlling a AT-ST? Not sure about that. Despite being circled by stormtroopers, none of them could shoot him off the thing either. The filmmakers probably went a bit far, too, when BB-8 restored Poe’s weapons with his multi-dexterous, head-spinning shenanigans during the attack on the dreadnought. BB-8 should not be an R2-D2. He needs his own character trajectory. As for the “Darth” BB-8, I was really hoping for more from him.

The movie is too long! At 2:32, it’s 17 minutes longer than The Force Awakens, almost 30 minutes longer than the very original Star Wars movie, and at least 10 minutes longer than all the “prequels”. This further emphasises the self indulgence the filmmakers had with it, not to mention much of the aforementioned talk that went nowhere, and scenes either repeated or pointless. In fact, cut Rose and the entire Canto Bight sub-plot from the movie and you have something that at least wouldn’t be as annoying.

CURIOSITIES

The Force hologram Luke was much different to the real one. Younger, darker clothes and shorter hair, was he so vain?

Despite no gravity in space, the Resistance bombers relied on gravity to drop their bombs, just like on Earth. It can actually be explained in that all objects produce gravity, with the larger the object meaning the stronger the gravity. Those ships are massive – with the dreadnought possibly 50km in length. The official explanation is the bombs are drawn magnetically to their target.

Han Solo’s dice in the Millennium Falcon. It was cool they made a gesture with them by Luke handing them to Leia. Unfortunately, most people wouldn’t know their history – that they’ve always been in the ship (I didn’t) – so it seemed a bit hokey. Plus it was made worse that they were hologram dice, disappearing once Luke did.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

The opening space sequence was unbelievable. In this age of computer generated graphics these sequences never look better. Not only that, they find more ways to keep them thrilling. Rogue One would still lead with the best space battles. The Last Jedi is second.

Snoke’s death was a pleasant surprise, both in the event itself and the method. Also good was Rey and Kylo destroying his red guards. Sadly, that’s when they should have turned to fighting each other directly (not the Force Duel over Luke’s light-sabre), and an explosion caused by the space battle could have been Rey’s means to escape. Or, the explosion from the space battle causes Kylo to be knocked out just as the fight finishes so leaving the fate of their relationship unresolved. If you missed it, the film says Rey escaped in Snoke’s ship. She’d have found the Resistance on Crait by the blue signalling device she and Leia (and sometimes Finn) were wearing.

The kamikaze attack on the First Order fleet. As controversial as a “light speed weapon” is to many observers, it was beautifully shot scene, leaving a surreal, almost peaceful, ambiance on the viewer. It’s therefore a shame it wasn’t Leia at the helm, not Holdo. It would have been true sadness as well, because no one cares a crap about Holdo! So to see Leia go in this way would have been poetic. You could imagine quite easily an alternate narrative to this film that there’s no Casino world shenanigans. Instead it’s merely about reaching Crait, where the real Luke would eventually help. He would not indolent and cynical as currently depicted, nor would his X-Wing be submerged in the sea, and he’d be summoned by the tremor felt in the Force at Leia’s death. The movie carries out as normal, ending with the remaining Resistance group on the Millennium Falcon. Note there’s a porg standing on R2-D2’s head!

The new creatures were fine, especially the puffin-like porgs and their guilt-trip put on Chewbacca for trying to eat one he had roasted. I actually went in thinking they were smarter than they actually were, and one had replaced Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon. The lactating seal/cow thing was a good insight into Luke’s remote existence. Let’s remember, if we lived remotely, we’d be doing the same to cows, or even goats or sheep. Possibly llamas!

We got our nostalgia fix from The Force Awakens, so even though the sight of Leia, especially with Luke, did tug a little, it’s something that should be totally let go for the next film. Even minor things like the “rebel scum” references, it really is time to move on. If Leia had died we would have moved on.

Rey’s theme. It’s quite a beautiful peace of music and has been stuck in my head for days. Rey herself, especially with the new hairstyle, she’s a stunner.

SUMMARY

It’s sad that The Last Jedi, the film meant to answer so many questions, and open some new ones, failed in its most basic duty. It trampled on accepted Star Wars lore for the purpose of lame humour, political messaging and extravagant contrivances. These liberties were all to the detriment of the film and made it the disjointed and underwhelming movie that it is. While it was entertaining enough and I remained interested through both viewings so far, is that enough? It’s not. Star Wars is meant to be compelling, enlightening and thought-provoking, not flippant, comical and leaving you in despair. This one was nothing. It is the worst Star Wars movie, and it’s not even close. Not that all is lost. So much is left now for episode 9 to expose. Along with answering all those questions and finalising the saga in general, one word will hover over it like no other and be the true measure of its success. That word: Redemption.

Rey - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

30 December 2017

Third Review

Session: 15:30 22 Dec 2017 – 3D

You must unlearn what you have learned. That is the message from Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back and it’s a message that applies to The Last Jedi. With almost every major decision made about the film being wrong, the best way to get the most out of it is to ignore preconceptions, accept its failures, and try to watch it as an independent movie. This being the third viewing, all that I had learned had subsided enough to a degree that I could absorb it as intended, and in that sense it proved the most enjoyable so far. Being in 3D probably also helped, as it provided more to see visually, especially the spectacle of the movie. Other than clarifying minor plot details, I didn’t get anything extra out of it. It’s not a multi-layered film like some of the others. There’s no mysteries or intertwined sub-plots. No revelations. No bonds to the new characters. No emotional legacy. No nothing. It just does its thing in a mostly enjoyable way.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the previous sessions. I did. It’s just that for Star Wars they fell below expectations. When I say expectations, it’s not about quality either. It’s about expectations from the Star Wars series itself. If I want frivolity and humour, I’ll watch something else, not Star Wars, or expect natural human, as with Han Solo and Chewbacca in The Force Awakens. It’s the same reason so many people objected to Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace. He was an unnecessary, tiresome inclusion. Likewise, in The Last Jedi, was the inane chatter, comic frivolity and the extravagant contrivances. Even then, the likes of Jar Jar had a purpose: to appeal to children. Whereas the inclusions in The Last Jedi, they appeal to the Hollywood elite. You see that glaringly materialise on Rotten Tomatoes, where currently it’s 91% for critics, 51% for the public. It’s the only Star Wars film with such a disparity. If The Last Jedi somehow wins an Oscar for Best Picture, or even gets nominated, that would confirm its failure. Note that Rogue One is currently 85% to 87% and The Force Awakens is 93% to 88%.

The period between the third session a week ago and until now has been spent engaged online with other fans, and learning there’s a massive rebellion against this movie. Despite the childish accusation it’s “haters” and those “impossible to please” forming the rebellion (odd since I’ve loved all 8 others), it’s actually a rebellion of love! The message must be sent with great force to Disney that there can be no repeat for episode 9. Redemption is already the word I’m throwing about, and that redemption is about bringing Star Wars back to Star Wars. There’s already a precedent for this when George Lucas listened after episode 1. Episode 2 pared the frivolity back and introduced unforgettable moments like Yoda fighting Dooku. Then think back to The Last Jedi and try recall something, anything, of that magnitude. There’s nothing. The potential was there, like when Rey and Kylo fought the red guards they could have either fought afterwards or an event could have left their relationship unresolved, and when Luke appeared on the salt planet of Crait it should have been actually him, not a silly hologram. Also Leia should have died in this movie, and it done in an emotional way. “In loving memory of our Princess” in the credits was the only tribute. The Last Jedi really is such a hollow experience that the use of a hologram for the grandstand moment of the film actually proved to be most apt.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Review - Rob J McPherson - Facebook

Excellent comments spotted on Facebook

I plan to see The Last Jedi at least once more time, specifically at IMAX 3D. I saw Rogue One four times and The Force Awakens seven times. Rogue One would have been once more had it hung around the cinemas longer. For episodes 1 to 3, it was 9, 9 and 7 times, respectively. For the originals (episodes 4 to 6), it was once each at the time, and then 4, 4 and 3 times on the 20th anniversary re-release.

BB-8 says I have a bad feeling about this - Star Wars The Last Jedi.

BB-8: “I have a bad feeling about this”. The only time this classic Star Wars line was “heard” in The Last Jedi.

02 April 2018

Fourth Review

Session 18:15 26 Jan 2018 – IMAX 3D

It’s always high anticipation to see a movie at IMAX, and The Last Jedi didn’t disappoint in terms of visuals and sound quality. Again, superb, and really added to the feeling of previous sessions. Particularly that opening battle sequence, that’s something that can be easily watched over and over again. As for the rest of the movie, not so much. I definitely found a decline with the enjoyment factor this time. The third session was easily the best, as I had unlearned some of things I had learned. For the fourth session, I’d relearned those things I had unlearned, and the film’s flaws were again well exposed.

First, my response to an article on IGN title In Defence of Luke Skywalker:

Counter offence against the defence of Luke Skywalker - IGN

Counter offence against the defence of Luke Skywalker

Since this is the last time I saw The Last Jedi at the cinemas, and that the overall feeling of the film is disappointment and anti-climax, here are the 5 scenes guilty of that the most.

Rey hands Luke Skywalker his light-sabre

The seminal scene from The Force Awakens and the one we waited for two years to see its resolution, it was totally destroyed in two seconds. While we expected to see Luke in shock that someone had found him, and with his long lost light-sabre, and that he’d realise the galaxy is in turmoil again and obviously in need of his help. Instead, he tossed it over his shoulder and revealed himself as grumpy, indolent and cynical old fool. Also lost in this moment was an explanation of the “calling ability” of this light-sabre. Remember, this was the one Luke lost in his fight with Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back, so it had that added mysticism to it, and something you’d think Luke would be surprised and curious at seeing. Instead he treated it like someone had handed him a soggy burrito.

Rey fights Kylo Ren

The Last Jedi did a reasonable job of setting up the conflict between dark and light for both Kylo and Rey, and the quest for one of them to switch sides. Kylo had already restrained himself by not blasting his mother, Leia, into space while Rey couldn’t resist the “dark side” calling her in her attempt to find her real identity. The net result of both of those were anti-climaxes in themselves, with Leia force-gliding back to the ship and Rey confronted by a hall of mirrors. So when the BIG moment came that Kylo killed Snoke instead of Rey, and then Rey helped him wipe out Snoke’s guards, the question was now how would these once arch enemies react. Would they begin to fight each other? Would one of them turn? Would something else happen, like the explosion that eventually rocked the ship and knocked out Kylo, leave the situation unresolved? No. Kylo meekly asks Rey to join him, and Rey said no. Give me a break! Then they had a stupid force-duel over Luke’s light-sabre, which ultimately destroyed it. So that mystical object, the one used to fight Darth Vader, the one that called to Rey, the one that eventually led Rey to Luke, the one that was meant to be the beacon of hope that would help save the galaxy from the First Order, it’s trashed like popping a party cracker. Ridiculous.

Rose saves Finn

Come on! We needed a hero to die, not to mention some sort of success for the Resistence. After all, every single decision and plan they made had resulted in failure. So the moment comes when Finn is about to sacrifice his life by flying into the super cannon and save the Resistance’s base on Krayt. As the moment is about to happen, in flies dopey Rose to knock his skiff away and they both crash. All just so she could provide yet another dopey line, this time about fighting for love, not against hate, and to plant a dopey kiss on him. Puke! Maybe had she, after knocking Finn aside, flown into the cannon herself and destroyed it, it would have been some sort of redeemable quality to easily the worst character ever in Star Wars history. It would also have ensured she’d not be seen in the next film.

Luke Skywalker fights Kylo Ren

So Luke is finally convinced to leave his secret island, goes to help the Resistance, walks out of the base to confront the First Order, they rain fire on him, he emerges, and brushes the dust off his shoulder. While we could have done without yet another stupid comic moment of Luke literally brushing dust off his shoulder, we’re still left bedazzled that the super Jedi master survived! As was Kylo, who, in complete shock, decides to confront Luke man-vs-man. A few swipes of the light-sabre do nothing. Why? Because Luke isn’t really there. It’s a hologram! Are you serious? This epic moment has been reduced to a massive force swindle. Outrageous! The real Luke should have been there, and he should have died a monumental and heroic death, not by self-vapourising from exhaustion while sitting on a remote rock and force-hologramming himself across the galaxy. Just read that last little bit again: “self-vapourising from exhaustion while sitting on a remote rock and force-hologramming himself across the galaxy.” Surely someone, upon reading that in the script, thought, hang on, that’s the dumbest idea ever!

The Finale

What’s left of our heroes finally escape The First Order, as Rey flies in with Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon to rescue them. A cute introduction between Rey and Poe happens, and a beautiful shot of the survivors in the Falcon, complete with a porg on R2-D2’s head. The Falcon jumps into light-speed and disappears into the stars, leaving us knowing there’s hope for the galaxy as our key heroes survive. Perfect! No, wait! They aren’t our heroes anymore. We cut to a dopey scene of a dopey kid with a dopey broom looking up noticing the Falcon streak across the night sky. He’s meant to symbolise the future Resistance. Give me a break. Star Wars is about heroes and legends, not brats. Even worse, they chose a white boy! A white boy, god dammit! Why not a purple haired, black girl with 3 eyes and questioning her sexuality?

As I write this, The Last Jedi is out on blu-ray and DVD, and I’ve been reluctant to buy it. The movie has left a bad taste, and deep down I hope the damn thing gets remade one day. Interesting that George Lucas revealed his original story had Luke surviving into episode 9, trains Leia and dies. Obviously with Carrie Fisher dead, that angle is not feasible, although, it definitely would have been far more fitting had Luke survived into episode 9 and helped fulfil his part in training Rey and passing on the baton. That could still be with the notion Luke is the last Jedi. Rey would begin a new force movement to combat Kylo Ren, whose entire mantra was already to “kill the past” and move beyond the Sith.

Killing the past seemed to be the entire point of The Last Jedi too. That’s fine if you do it gracefully, with a good story and a respectful end to key characters. It’s not by disrespecting the history, the tradition, the ideals and the accepted Star Wars lore we all grew up with and loved. The filmmakers chose to take all of that, rip it into threads, and throw it in our faces. It was treachery of proportions more than I can imagine, and I can imagine quite a bit! That is why The Last Jedi fails.

Star Wars Ranking

1) Ep5: The Empire Strikes Back
2) Ep2: Attack Of The Clones
3) Ep4: A New Hope
4) Ep7: The Force Awakens
5) Rogue One
6) Ep4: Revenge Of The Sith
7) Ep6: Return Of The Jedi
8) Ep1: The Phantom Menace
9) Ep8: The Last Jedi

In time, I expect Rogue One to rise in the list. Other than the slow start, it really was a great movie, full of emotion and had the most epic ending ever.

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